I HAD A MISCARRIAGE 



A “rainbow baby” is a baby that is born following a miscarriage, stillborn, neonatal death or infant loss. In the real world, a beautiful, bright rainbow follows a storm & gives hope of things getting better.”




This isn’t a day I dread, try to forget or celebrate.

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One year ago today, our first pregnancy ended only after knowing about its existence for a couple weeks. We weren’t months into it – hadn’t even had the chance to buy anything yet. However it was enough time for us to tell a few people & get catapulted into the parental mindset. We’d talked about starting to try just before this blessing in disguise happen. (In past entries which are linked, I’ve discussed finding out we were pregnant & in turn, the miscarriage. Please feel free to read my story!)

It’s probably the most surreal thing in the world to now, a full year later, have my beautiful baby boy. Back then, I was being woken up by the some of the worse cramps & covered in blood. Now, I’m being woken up by hunger cries & covered in spit up. My – have the times changed 😁

Since experiencing our loss, I’ve been introduced to a mini world of empowering women who did not allow this to make them a victim. Miscarriages are SO common – regardless of when in the pregnancy they occur.

I learned the generation of women before me in my own family had experienced at least one miscarriage.
I learned this was not the end.
I learned there was a bigger picture.
I’m more than thankful to have met these women because of our miscarriages.

Jackson is my rainbow & my why. I look at him & can’t imagine his life in ours any other way. All of the difficulties he’s presented to us in the past 5 weeks are blessings.

Matt & I were actually talking about J’s hairy ears last night – how Matt doesn’t like them & hopes they go away soon. I told him if hairy ears are the biggest “issue” with J, I will take them! We were BLESSED with a pretty normal pregnancy, steady labor, quick birth, great healing, being able to breastfeed & a beautiful, healthy, chunky baby whose biggest “issues” are hairy ears & gas. WE ARE BLESSED.

Today, I recognize my past & acknowledge the grown since. As I write this, my blessing pees, spit ups on me & headbutts me because it’s what he does. Occasionally, he also smiles in his sleep &  gives the best cuddles. Best of both.

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Oh my rainbow 💙

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