I know a majority of my entries are either informative or kind of on the positive / funnier side. However I’m about to get negatively real for a second..
This morning, I drove home from work bawling from exhaustion. Yup – that happen & I’m sure it probably won’t be the last. This caught me so off-guard, I was surprised when the flow of tears started while standing right in front of my boss.
A majority of my pregnancy has honestly been a dream: no morning sickness (one aversion), continued working out, carrying primarily in my belly, no swelling & no skin breakouts.. I understand it’s kind of rare to experience all this ‘greatness’ at once during a pregnancy but before Momma’s start to get a sour taste in their mouth about me boasting about my joys without the negatives, let me list a few of those as well: one miscarriage, two miscarriage scares – one resulting in first degree laceration to mimic post-birth, Dr’s note to limit working as well as being required to speak to a Psychiatrist, not to mention finally properly mourning Momma & coming to terms with becoming a Momma without one. Given, it’s many internal issues but you get the point..
Lately, I’ve been hit with the heartburn & insomnia side effects & it’s taken me for a loop. I’ve been mentally exhausted from the list above but being able to sleep has kind of been my saving grace – anyone can function with rest. & I know this is only preparation for MommaHood so I need to get used to the sleep deprivation but can I have a second to vent PLEASE!? I know I’m not the first & I damn sure won’t be the last. As someone dealing, it helps to let it out knowing I won’t be judged or criticized rather than bury it inside & let it rot me away.
The last few nights, I’ve been unable to sleep due to J bouncing around & acid coming up in my throat.
(I’ve tried TUMS, bowls of ice cream, sleeping elevated, etc.. Heartburn is alive & well. It is now also on my short list of things I wouldn’t wish on anyone – another item o that list being menstrual cramps.)
I’m part-time at work now so I make sure that the days I am scheduled to work, I’m there & available. However, waking up this morning for the 4th time made me want to call out. I wanted to sulk in my miserable feeling & attempt to sleep. But I still took my butt to work, looking & feeling rough as all Hell.
There are no words to express the joy & relief I felt when my boss told me she understood how I was feeling & was sending me home to rest.
She could have told me before I got to work but that’s not what is important. I didn’t ask to be sent home – she did it out of the kindness of her heart (& probably because I looked like shit). As minor & stupid as it is, I was being given the opportunity to not be at work & go home to sleep. IT REALLY IS THE LITTLE THINGS, YOU GUYS!! I started crying as soon as she said it & responded with “I would love that.”
So long story short, pregnancy won today. Pregnancy beat my sleep deprived ass & I’m sure in time, MommaHood will also win many days. But these are just minor battles in the big war (clever, right? Moving on..) Today’s defeat doesn’t mean I can’t handle this pregnancy nor does it mean I won’t be able handle being a Momma! People have bad days & today was one of mine – I just don’t have an issue sharing it.
It helps to keep reminding myself that it will ALL be worth it the second I get to hold my baby boy IN 2 MONTHS! (Let that soak in..) The multiple pelvic rests, hospital visits, sleepless nights & painful heartburn will be forgotten the moment Matt & I become parents.
Now I’ll attempt for another short nap before the boys get home & while the pups are equally tired. The laundry does need to be folded & there are dishes in the sink but they can wait. Momma Lips needs a nap.