So it’s 9 days into the New Year (2016) & some changes have taken place. Josh came over for New Years & my birthday which involved a solid amount of traveling back & forth to Seattle & drinking, naturally. The morning we woke up to take him to the ferry back to Seattle, I realized I was a day late. Of course, I didn’t think anything of it because I had only been without my IUD for 2 months? Hadn’t even developed a ‘steady’ period schedule. But sure enough, when I took the $8 tests from CVS that morning at work & saw that ever so faint blue X, I knew. There was a HUGE part of me that believed it was a glitch & because it was so faint, that didn’t mean anything (however I know now after reading a little bit, any sign of anything means it read SOME evidence of hormones). 4 days, 3 more tests, few phone & skype calls later, here I am. Dusting off the cobwebs, beginning another chapter & making yet another entry. We are pregnant 😀
It’s not that we weren’t planning on getting pregnant or that this comes as a complete surprise. We want kids. We (Matt) wanted to start trying around Summer / Spring (possibly even another year if it were up to him). I didn’t surprise Matt with the news. Told him up front I was late & wanted to take the tests. Hell, he went out & bought the digital ones for me & waited outside the bathroom. & because I’m the clutz I know I am, I peed in a cup then dipped the sticks in. No way I was going to trust myself to pee for a steady 5 seconds while trying to hit 2 sticks at the same time. Just being realistic. He knew 10 seconds after I found out when I opened the door crying. It was a mixture of tears of joy & tears of sadness. Joy because I would finally be bringing my own into this world. I would finally get to experience this unspeakable love & devotion. Sadness because Momma would never be a Grandma to my nugget. They’d never experience her love. It’s an odd feeling to think of my baby’s life & know my own Mother will never meet him or her. It’s a depressing thought but this is my life. Having a baby will not bring her back nor will it replace the whole in my heart. But I promise to love this baby as much, if not more than my Momma showed me.
Matt had mixed feeling from the get. Yes, he was obviously excited & shocked but he started Nuking it IMMEDIATELY. Thinking about the financial cost of another human being, how we haven’t even closed on the house, MY own health. I’m extremely grateful to have someone like Matt in my life, let alone as my husband, but when he started to Nuke it, I had to shut that down. Emotionally, I was & am ready to be pregnant. I’d been preparing myself, if you would, for months now. For Matt to just stare at me while we ate dinner after we found out was hilarious & also weird. But after a day went by & he had a night of restless sleep, he’s come to terms with it & is the excited father-to-be every momma-to-be wishes they have. He’s shopping for baby clothes, nursery ideas, buying me all organic food & talking about himself AS a father. It seriously warms my heart 🙂
As of right now, I’m 4 weeks & a couple days, give or take. According to the apps I’ve downloaded, baby is the size of a poppy seed! Nothing but still awesome! My tummy feels tight but I’m thinging it the soreness from an ab workout I did the morning we found out (no no!). I’m tired ALL the time but that’s about it for the physical changes. I’m a little scared to go to the gym but fitness Momma’s in IG are HUGE inspirations so Matt & i are going in the morning. Also found an incredible prenatal yoga flow this evening so that will also become a nightly activity! I need to schedule my ‘group session’ at 6 weeks & we get our first ultra sound at 10. Something that scares me is all the doctors appointments I need to schedule, attend, the pills & nutrients, the do’s & dont’s.. Every one has a different regime that worked for them & as much as I want to follow it because I know it works, it may not be right for me. For example, I’ve been told I can’t lift anymore. Yes, I understand the precautions but it’s part of my daily routine. I refuse to cut that out. I’m not made out of glass now. Just need to be a little more careful with the weight I do lift. THAT I can do. As far as eating habits go, I will also compromise. Sushi? That’s going to be a hard one but it’s gone. Taco Bell? That needed to be gone 4 months ago. I’ve heard bacon is a HUGE no no but I can’t be without my bacon. That’s a love you just can’t seperate. Small doses. Clearly, diet will be the hardest part for me because I rarely eat vegetables so the prenatals will hopefully makeup for that lack.
This is all still very surreal but such a blessing to go through. I can only hope the journey is all it’s said to be 🙂